Zen: Delusion

From m-w.com:

Delusion (n)
2b. a persistent false psychotic belief regarding the self or persons or objects outside the self that is maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary (emphasis mine)

From John Vorhaus, "Killer Poker Online 2": (excuse me if I'm paraphrasing, lent the book out)

Deception is something you do to others.
Delusion is something you do to yourself.

************************************

Delusion is part of the American way of life.

• Global warming? Jury's still out.
• Voting for president? It's like buying a lottery ticket. There's a 1 in a zillion chance that it matters whether you did or not.
• Walking by a homeless panhandler. Do you fully live the experience, or do you purposely put yourself somewhere else to avoid the real situation?
• Our "functional" government, when we have 300 million people, technology changing every week, disasters and discoveries daily, yet every 4 years we pick from 2 people? 2 people we probably already picked from before?
• Ever been in a bad relationship? (lol) You know how you ignore the things that are just "wrong" about the other person? Me, that's what all my relationships used to be like. Delusion and codependence. I let obvious things go "unnoticed", I let insults be forgotten, I let improprieties somehow be explainable, acceptable.

************************

We all do it to different degrees. It's pretty much an essential part of being a cigarette smoker. Trust me, I remember. Some of us save it only for the big stuff, big deep dark personal stuff, and are honest with ourselves with the small stuff. This division is often called "morals". The stuff we can face up to, that's our integrity, our morality.

The common theme, the one I used to subscribe to, is to use it where convenient. Whenever it made my life easier, more pleasurable. Definitely convenient. I was exactly as moral as I needed to be, at that particular time.

For example, I used to believe in the value of human life and the death penalty. How did I reconcile this?

I had a "belief", a reason to think something is true without, or in defiance of, evidence. Then, when asked a question about it, I could produce an answer for how I felt about it. My brain is very clever, and can justify about anything. Even easier if others wanted to see the same answer, wanted to believe the same things.

America elected, and RE-ELECTED, a president who consistently sees or believes what he chooses. Honestly, I think they did this because that's the way the VAST majority of Americans choose to live their lives. And by vast, I really mean virtually all. A rounding error away from 100%.

The war is going great in Iraq. W says it, but we let him get away with lying to our faces, deluding ourselves by just deeming his lies as acceptable. Still, the possibility exists that he actually believes Iraq is going well. Then it's incorrect, but not a lie. Just a delusion.

****************************

Zen says the withold of man is that he is sleeping, even while he is awake. Everything that happens in the real world is projected, and filtered, before our brains can react to it. Therefore the world you walk around in is not the real world, but your dream world version of it.

The real world is happening, right here, but your brain has you living in your own world, your own dream, your own personal movie. For every situation:

How does this affect you?
How have you reacted to this type of situation in the past?
How will this affect your future?
How do you feel about it?
Does that make me hungry?

Delusion is the part of this "inner dialogue" that you make up. The false part, the fabrications and denials. The real story was X, so you made it Y because...why did you do that again?

*********************************

If you have the courage, start by dropping one delusion, small if you like. Maybe, drop it as you're doing it. Stop yourself. Consider what you're doing as you do it, regardless of which outcome you choose. See what that does for you, see how that changes your world. What's the downside, really?

The upside is this.

Once you see your own self clearly, you see the world outside of you clearly too.
Once you are completely honest with yourself, you seek and demand honesty from others.
Once you drop your own falsehoods, you can start to recognize your own truths. Your own dreams.
And knowing that these are your truths, what you truly desire, you will finally be able to start searching for it, finding it.

As long as you are dishonest with yourself, the whole process is broken. How will you know to be fully honest with your family, your friends, if you might be deceiving yourself?

Start now. Make it a game. Think of them (lies you tell yourself), and drop them. If you have a partner or close friend, like I have my wife, you can share, it's quite powerful. (Be warned, you might get a few "no, REALLY???" comments.) And, I assure you, if you think you don't have any, you just found your first one.

Here's an example:

If you didn't stop and get gas, even though you know your wife will have to stop on the way to work tomorrow, that's deception.

If you somehow justify to yourself that it's okay, that's delusion.

or, better yet,

If you didn't stop and get gas even though you know YOU will have to stop on the way to work tomorrow. Then you do it again, when you leave at the normal time, ignoring that YOU will need extra time.

Next time, stop yourself, go get gas, and spend the 3 minutes while it pumps considering the difference.

That example is obvious. Think more personal. Think bigger. Yeah, it's that thing. The thing you don't want it to be. That one. Face it or don't, the choice is yours.

Facing it, dropping the illusions, the delusions, you have made the choice to start waking up.