Blah, $X. Blah blah, $Y. Kind words, priceless.

Sitting at breakfast, talking to my parents who are visiting, when I checked my email on my iPhone, and saw not one but THREE comments about the previous post. And while I only have a few, I must get a couple of thoughts down.

OhCaptain:

I love the suggestion, and despite the fact that I can and do suggest that to other people in the same situation, I hadn't thought to turn it around to myself. So, I've started a bit on two fronts. One, I have been perusing all my books, and am figuring out which one is a good read for now. I'm definitely looking for something that really gets the spirit of poker, online or not. EoP is a great example.

As for the comment, if you have ANY inkling to say ANYTHING, please put it in a comment. This goes for the lot of you. Nothing about this blog is sacred or streamlined or anything. Any comment > no comment.

Shrike:

PirateLawyer, I look forward to your post. Before we started really chatting, I was tooling along, just playing poker in whatever capacity got put in front of me. And while I was comfortably successful at that, I have much enjoyed the upgrade into poker theory, poker psychology, and other advanced topics. Stuff that is integral to upgrading the poker in general.

So, despite the fact that I have recently become "lost in the shadows" a bit, we all know that truly great things come from the fires of chaos. Burn, baby, burn.

Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo:

Hoy, where to start. Honestly, I probably know every bank teller at Wells Fargo better than I know you, but I always appreciate how you just ignore that and pipe up like we're best buds.

As for your comment, you're spot on. Like OhCaptain said too, poker isn't about streaks, or short-term results. It can't be, or it's the wrong version of "poker". Yet as humans, we just love to group things together, so that we can analyze, react, feel joy/pain, make future plans, all of that. And, don't get me wrong, these skills are essential to improving as a player and a person.

But streaks are as tangible and useful as circumstantial evidence is in court. If you make any choices/changes based on that alone, you are stabbing in the dark. So, while it may take some real listening, it's imperative to use a streak/run as a possible indicator about my play, and not evidence of my play itself. Sometimes, it just happens that people turn over a wheel and a steel wheel twice in the same hour, the same two times I have 6432AA and a 45678. Using that as "evidence" to make any changes would be confusing and counterproductive, at best.

So, my Zen decree for today:

I have my strength to see what I am doing right, and my wisdom to observe what I can do better.

My reading for today:

Emptyman's HORSE primers
Secrets of the Millionaire Mind (T. Harv Eker)
Poker book #1?? (suggestions appreciated)

Self-Destructive Poker

(Warning: long post, possibly TMI, don't say I didn't warn you)

I'm stuck in it, and I am looking for the way out. So, I'm dumping here, sometimes it helps when I just start typing. The words often come from the heart instead of the mind.

I think I just understood why. It's because the heart speaks at a slower rate than the mind. I think the mind gets precedence simply because it's faster and therefore more entertaining. Slowing down is a key. And typing slows me down. I sometimes have a full 15-20 seconds to process the next sentence before I get to it right......now.

It feels like a f*cking miracle to win a pot. To raise A7A, and even hold for a split in a 3-way pot. I mean seriously. I wait 60 minutes, get 3467 and miss 3 times, folding to the war of "No, MY two pair is better!"

I raise AA3K, and know that the guy who will cold call with 2569r will hit his trip 9s on the turn and I'll be out. And I madly shove my chips in anyways, because I'm supposed to "not raise" there?

Live: K77 to start, I raise because they all show crap. I make an open pair, which happens to be aces.
AA77 scooped by trip 5s on the river.

So, I'm pissed. What about? That he donked me? That I bet my good money into a pot where I was a favorite? Am I wrong about the math? His range? (No. He called my 7 raise on 3rd with an 8. Not sure how that could be a good play, and his possibilities for 3rd street are 458 or 558. Which is the good one again?) Did he have it the whole way? No, mandatory raise when you spike trips, when I'm obviously not that strong.

Standard calling station seeing 3 low cards and calling to the river for any draw?

Yes.

So I'm pissed because I missed a 60/40 shot. Great. Good one emptyman, real logical.

Okay, is it ego? Do I need him to know how much he sucks? Or how awesome I am?

Is it about the money? Can't be, because in any state of mind, wagering on a 60/40 is a good investment. Guaranteed to pay off over the long run. Make sure to CHECK the ACCURACY of my so-called "60/40" investment. Where is a good calculator these days?

Am I failing to adjust to the players as I move DOWN in the levels? DEFINITELY.

Okay, that was a resounding "yes". So, I need to make the GEICO® adjustment. Not necessarily worse players in every category, just overall. And the important thing to remember, they think LESS about choices, pot odds, drawing odds.

Live, on-cue example:

I find 456 and reraise 3rd vs a 5 and a 6. My board eventually reads:

(65)4263(2)

I get called every street by:

(38)5A4Q(Q)

Each individual call is not that bad, but horrible hand selection. Calling a raise and then having to call a reraise with 385 is donating. If you hit, you get your money back. 2%, you might fill in a low (6-card) straight, and scoop. Or, against me, 30%. The rest, you have to fold on the way, or worse, chase to the river with 2nd best.

So, here's what I'm REALLY pissed at.

1. I played fast and loose with my bankroll, or hit a cold deck, or some combination.
2. I have to go down in levels.
3. I have to man up, grind more, play tighter, smarter, so I can go back up.
4. Through some combination of a failure of #3 and more of #1, 1-3 repeats.

And so the cycle continues. To the point where I feel it when I lose a $8 Token Frenzy, and my game selections are comprised of $1/$2, $10-20 buyin tourneys, or Candy Land with my 5-year-old nieces. And the third option is really starting to look good for me right now.

So, I recognize this place. Tension, conflict. Soon after this, I find some release, some peace, some "moving forward" and poker becomes the easiest game in the world. So, I'm not worried about that. I am a great poker player, and a genius, so I have full confidence that I will continue to crush the games in the long run.

I'm starting to look at an alternative #1 for above.

(Live: (AA)22 and I make a running flush. Thank god, donkey rivers his trip Ts. Too bad I have to split with the 8 donk. Oh well, and extra bet on the end and HALF A POT! WOOHOOOOOOOO!)

The start of my descent in the ranks coincides with my resolution to move up in the ranks. To push up a big bankroll, like I've done in the past, and then MAINTAIN and CHERISH and LOVE IT (and yes, call it George). But for once, when I made a push to turn 1200 into 3000, I failed. Me. I, emptyman jones, failed. C'est la vie. "BFD!" (Michael Scott.)

I'm that kid you always hated in school. Teacher's pet in every class, the nice, brainy kid who blew the curves. But also good at everything else. Sports, games, all subjects. In 7th grade my quiz bowl team (Go homeroom 7A! Or whatever!) went 14-0. But I can honestly say I could have been on any of the other 7 teams and we would go 14-0 instead. I mean, I was just wired this way, with the ability to remember and also quickly process and quickly ring in. And I just happen to remember everything too. So Trivial Pursuit and those games aren't any fun either.

Growing up, this meant trouble even for my brilliant siblings. My sister responded by not playing with me anymore, once I learned (with help from Mom) not to trade Boardwalk and North Carolina for St. Charles and States because "I liked them better". The very next game, I won on my own. We've played maybe a handful of games since, and rarely ever (I could say never) head-to-head.

My poor younger brother, 2 1/2 years younger than me, just had to take it. And he also found himself wanting to do other things, and I can't blame him. He was old enough to play the games, but not old enough to compete. And brilliant as he was, he had to compete against 2 1/2 years older ME. Video games, sports, made-up games, I mean he just really had no chance. And since were both fully of the attitude, "Winning rules, losing sucks", it caused a lot of grief. So, he developed other interests, and we went our separate ways. While we're both notoriously hard to reach on the phone, we manage to still talk once a year, when Mom calls or when his computer gets one too many viruses. That's enough for us right now. And when we meet on that rare occasion, it's all smiles and hugs and stories. Hmm, suddenly I wish it was a little more often. :)

So, as we close this long narrative into a fine point, I obviously crave a competition vs. equals. And thanks to my current bankroll, combined with my recent trends, it's slipping further and further out of view. Leading to frustration (in the past).

(Live: A2467 on 5th, I raise 4th in anticipation even, and the (KT)Q hits his K on 4th so he's not folding. Fast forward two bricks to the river and his KK is good for a split. Sigh.)

Feel free to comment on this, but I truly believe I can play rake-even or better in tourneys like the $200 Sunday HORSE or any $150 NLHE, or certainly any $75 O/R/S/E tourney. And yet I have exactly $175 in my account right now.

So, what's my solution? Instead of railing against existence, being mad about how I think it "should be", how do I instead flow with existence?

1. Deposit more money. Not going to do that, not right now. I need some reason to think it won't get flushed/burned like the others.
2. Redefine the game.

The premise that lower-limit donks are harder to beat is a myth.

(Live: (45)AA2T(6) rivered by miracle fucking wheel! FUUUUUUUUUCK!)

So, to redefine the game, I have to change the rules. It's no longer about just winning, it's about squeezing every dime out of these donkeys. Not giving a cent back through frustration, boredom or inattention. To get up to the levels I belong at, in the least amount of poker played.

Also, to have fun doing it. And gain some understanding, do some writing, all of the fun things that coincide with playing good poker.

To do that, I am starting right now with "Mum poker". For as long as possible. Turn off the chat, don't talk to donkeys.

It's time to crush this game again.

************

UPDATE:

So far, I've made 5 comments at least, playing Mum Poker. And while I cast them into the void (translation: chat turned off, so no responses), that's no excuse. I recommit.

From stuck a buy-in to up $0.40. Woot!

Blogging at Work

Ok, it's time for that epic, catch-all post, easily a better substitute than me actually posting on a regular basis.

I started blogging 18 months ago, and I had a 9-5 job then.  Which meant I had 7-8 hours a day when I could blog.  Now that I'm working on my own, I have to do it in my own personal time.  Boo.  I had hopes that maybe blogging could be +EV, or at least pay for itself with a few ads.   Not so, not yet at least.   So, when all is said and done, blogging gives me a -EV way to invest my time.  Great when I have tons of extra time, and falling off the priority list when I don't.  Also when I hate poker.

Vegas was a fabulous time for Emptyman and Hotwife (she's learning poker now, so we're trying out handles).  It was my first blogger gathering, and also my 3-year anniversary of eloping in Vegas.  So, the trip was dual-function and doubly special for me.

I enjoyed meetng a lot of bloggers for the first time, on the first night and at the tournament.  Quite the interesting phenomenon, these meetings.  Some I knew only by reputation, and enjoyed talking to greatly.  Some I knew very well, like PirateLawyer, but since we chat all the time, we had surprisingly little to catch up on.  Finally, BuddyDank and Joanada, a couple of true friends, made it extra special for me.

The tourney was extremely enjoyable.  And, despite my intuition telling me I wouldn't win it, I chose to play anyways, and it was definitely worth it.  Highlights:

Slow and solid early, I avoided trouble for the most part.  Then I raise QcJd in the CO, and both Zeem and OhCaptain call me from the blinds.  Flop is KsTs9s, the nuts, but monotone in the wrong suit.  Zeem leads 1000, OhCaptain calls, and I cross my fingers and shove 7900.  Zeem calls with KT (all red), and OhCaptain reluctantly lays down KJ (J spades).  Two blanks and I double up, close to 20K and in great shape.

Two other hands I pick up KK and QQ.  Both times I reraise preflop and get no calls.

Nothing much happened for a long time after that.  I won a couple, missed a couple of flops, and mostly just enjoyed chatting with my table.  As one player busted (for example, Jordan getting "kenoed" by Zeem with set-over-set), a new player sat down and again the table had new life.  Poker with a good crowd can actually be quite fun to play, even when folding for hours.

So, I was able to survive, but not chip up for the next while.  Blinds went up, but I was still in good shape.  Then, this happened:

300/600, 100 ante --> 1000/2000, 300 ante.  Yes, in one level.  If you were there, it's when the whole room mumbled a collective, "WTF?"  So, my stack of 12K goes from 20BB to 6BB, and with the ante tripling and the table short, I became an immediate push-and-pray.  I guess it pays to research the tourney structure.

I shove 55 in EP, no call.  I get Ad8d in BB, and raised by the button.  His 66 holds and I'm out in 22nd.

It wasn't much poker for a deep-stack tourney.  But, it was a RIOT as far as a fun tourney goes.  I am jonesing for the next one.  And I think I will enjoy the Mookie et. al. much much more now.

The rest of the trip was fabulous as well, although the Stratosphere will never again see my business.  First, I check into a "Strip-View Suite", but because of some unsaid issue with their room availability, I was checked into a "Strip-View" ordinary room.  Well, I had expected a suite, complete with multiple rooms, so this was obviously wrong and I returned to the front desk.

They charged me to upgrade to a "Strip-View Spa Suite", which was $30 more/night, but featured a spa bathtub and taller ceilings.  Still the same ONE room, same size (except height).  I passed on another visit to the front desk.  I should not have.

The room next door was habitated by insomniac zombies.  The TV was on, and loud enough to hear words, for 21 HOURS A DAY for the ENTIRE TRIP.  And if you assume the 3 hours off are overnight, you are sadly mistaken.  My wife and I had to turn on our own noise to block it out, and sleep many many extra hours to compensate.  Finally, hammered on the last night of our stay, and the TV blaring next door, I went to the front desk to get another room.  They moved us back down 2 floors to the same room we originally had.  Thanks for the excellent customer service.  No comps, no apologies, just shuffled us through the system.  I'm still not sure I wasn't overcharged, or that the room booking was even my fault (haven't had time to check).  Will keep you posted.  Regardless, staying somewhere else from now on.

Last thing about the Stratosphere was the elevators.  I mean, I'm generally okay with heights, but I have my limits.  These elevators were haunted/broken all over the place.  Sometimes, I would push a button, such as "C" for the bottom floor/casino, and the light around it turned red instead of green.  Meaning, that if you try to actually go to the floor, it will get there, stop, not open the doors, and then move on.  One elevator was broken on 12.  I seriously considered whether or not I might get stuck in the elevator before each trip, and quickly bailed on a couple when I got red lights.  Combined with spending one long moment standing on the 107th floor, rocking in a big windstorm, waiting for dinner, and you will probably only find me at the usual 7000 feet for a while.

Hotwife and I crushed the slots.  She hit most of the big jackpots, and we actually managed to break even for the trip, which should tell you exactly how well we did.  

I was only able to play one game of poker, lame 1/2 NL at the Strat vs. the usual tourists.  As I arrived, one guy was playing the role of resident donkey/luckbox, having almost $1000 ($300 max buyin).  I saw him raise to $20 w/ K4s in EP, then a shove for $80 and an allin call for $60.  He makes the overcall, and beats QQ and an unshown hand on the Kxxxx board.

As a nice treat, I was able to get involved with him twice and ACTUALLY have the best hand hold.  One time I called with 55, flop came J56, turn 2, river 4.  Somehow he has J2 instead of J3 and I double up.  One flush, one big 2 pair, and a couple 3-bets preflop with KK/AA that weren't called.  I finished up a few bucks for the day. Whee.

I did meet some cool people there as well, one in particular, and again I see the appeal of B&M poker.  Johnny was his name, and he was from England, and was kind enough to give me his friend's card cover.  We chatted all day about real poker, shared hands, had a great time.  Now "that", I could do for a living.  Sadly, grinding online is not "that".

The drive home was amazing.  We managed to complete a 4-5 hour drive in only 13 hours.  It started snowing around Kingman, AZ, and only got more blizzardy as we kept going.  Kingman, if you don't know, is like actual desert Arizona.  So, if it's snowing there, you can imagine what it's like at 5000 feet and up.  I remember seeing a sign showing only 72 miles to home, and then depressingly doing the math and realizing that it would translate to 2-3 hours crawling along Interstate 40.  I think we would have had to stop if not for the Interstate, side roads were definitely impassable.  Cars were in the ditch everywhere.  I grew up in the Midwest, so I've seen and driven my share of storms, but this was easily the largest I've ever witnessed.  And we made it safely, 13 hours after leaving Vegas.  Boy, am I glad we didn't stay an extra day, as it snowed here for 3 days straight.  We'd probably still be in Vegas, hooking for penny slot money (me, specifically).

Right now, I'm putting the finishing touches on my Hand History tool, and sneaking in a tourney or two when I can.  Mostly, I'm just working.  Even now, as we speak, although obviously for once I don't have to be paying attention.

Well, I think that's all for now.  PirateLawyer, Rooster, OhCaptain/Countess, Falstaff, Jordan, CK, BuddyDank, Joanada, PokerPeaker,  Zeem, and "Guy I Forgot To Mention So Now He Feels Slighted", it was fantastic to meet you all.  Maybe next time I'll actually be around for some of the other stuff.  If I didn't get a chance to meet/hang with you, let's plan on it next time.  But for now, come meet me online, on my blog or at the tables.  I should be around a lot more starting in the new year.

P.S.  The 4K is massively pissing me off.  Therefore, I will be pounding on it until I clobber it a few times.  Maybe I'll read my own primer.  Regardless, look for me to reclaim the "HORSE horse" mantle from NumbBono, who has been carrying that torch with pride lately.

Sometimes....

I can't put ANYTHING together. I've bubbled/coolered every tourney since Vegas.


A5 on the button 5-handed in Holdem, I raise. BB reraises, I call. Flop AK3, bet, raise, call. Turn 5. 4 bets all in. He shows AJ. River J. Out just before final table.


29th in 4K (pays 24) out in Razz, running hands like A45, A56 into 356 and 367 and getting outdrawn, 3 consecutive hands.


12th in $20 HORSE (pays 8) running into the bring in's 222 in Stud Hi.


And then this gem.

500/1000, I have almost 2000. Donkey instacalls in the SB as expected, even though it's h4h and it's 1/3 of his stack. He flops the dream and I freaking LITERALLY bubble the 4K again tonight.

Tournament poker can be a harsh mistress.

I just wish I could even win at $1/$2 right now.

5 days off

Vegas was a blast. (Duh.) But I had no idea how far it would set me back. Like SERIOUSLY.

I'll be back soon. I've been coolered near the money in the 2 (two!) tourneys I've played since returning 5 days ago.

Poker, ye are a cagy mistress.

Sorry To Be So Lame

So much for regular posts.

Seriously I've been crunching on the HH tool. And playing poker for Vegas money has started out as losing 1/2 my bankroll on some crazy swings. So now I'm grinding back to get to the goal amount.

Philosiphisizing can wait. Back to the tables. Homework for today is up to you. You know which book you have, haven't read, and seriously should have read by now. Go read it.

I'm so lame.

Blogging Priorites: The Butoff Seat

I'm so freakin' busy. It's made my priorities crystal clear.

1. Play poker. (ADDICT!)
2. Write poker software.
3. Write blog posts.
4. Write other poker strategy material.
5. Read other poker blogs.

I made a quick jump down to #5 today, and I found a gem. Here, in case you missed it:

The Butoff

A one minute read. And use it at every opportunity. I like just saying it randomly. I think you'll like it if you try it.