Zen: Path (An Important Part of My Journey)

I have mentioned in the past my pseudo-Christian upbringing. And while I will never condone that as acceptable parenting, I forgive my parents for doing what they thought was in my best interest. I recently realized my gift from that, a starting point on my road of spirituality. Christianity is history, just like US History, it's a set of knowledge about a specific subset of Man. So when I started exploring sprituality on my own, I had a base reference to start from.

I went simply to what I knew to be true, reality. Specifically finding books like A Brief History of Time and Chaos. I went to read about cosmology, the history (and future) of the universe as we know it. And I went to the quantum physics world, to find out what we know about the physical universe in the present. There was no one epiphany, no one moment where I said, "AHA! It's Quantum Chromodynamics!" It just happens that some of these things interested me greatly.

I spent several years reading about the mind-bending world of quantum physics, reveling in the counterintuitive features, the mysteries, and its inherent confirmation of free will. So I reached the edges, where they explained string theory to me, but said it was neither consistent nor provable which, if any, of its solutions are correct. So they're sort of stumped there. Therefore, there isn't much more to read about on the subject, at the moment.

My progress took a few years' pause, coincidentally correlating to a time in my life when I was in a dead-end relationship. I was really in a place where I felt stuck with what life was dealing me. And that it was my burden to carry. At least I could feel like a martyr, fueling my own sadness, getting me through each day. And I loved sad music, and skipping class, and knowing my girlfriend was likely cheating on me, but just choosing to be delusional instead.

Again I'm just spitballing on the timing. But to be fair, those who know me best, know I think causality is a bit fishy, anyways. Regardless, I found this book titled The Physics of Consciousness. I guess I had progressed far enough into Physics to be looking for the Physics of Life, of Whatever This Is. And this book has a very unexpected thread holding the entire book together. The author lost a childhood love at 16. And he's been haunted by the question his entire life, "Does she still exist in some form?" So, and I will fully admit, that at the time it was in spite of this, I kept reading. (Gushy love story? Did I buy the wrong book?)

Chapter 8 (or 6, one of the middle ones) is Zen. Out of nowhere, put on the brakes after 7 chapters of physics, Zen. Why he found it. His best attempt at explaining it to you. And one way he does this is by taking an example, a good one, and pointing out why his teacher thought it meant one thing, and he thinks it means something different. His is not a very good example of Zen, but you can see what there is to work with. Mind, language, all that. Everything you encounter in your life is identified and understood by comparing it to things. Things in the present, things from your past, things you have and haven't yet imagined. So he's trying to compare Zen to something. Or one explanation of Zen to another explanation, to point out the contrast. And through this small window, the light of existence came pouring in on me.

Sometime later, I remember feeling very clearly "behind my eyes" for the first time. It was noon, I was on an offramp of a cross-town freeway in Des Moines, "the hole", Iowa. Maybe you've had a similar experience. I was staring out my car window, but really I was watching myself stare out of a car window. If you haven't yet, feel free to give it a try. But back to the book, for now.

This book was so groundbreaking for me that it was like reading two trilogies. Every new idea was astoundingly different, simple, far-reaching, historic. And maybe even true. He doesn't claim to know the truth, but when he says "I wonder" it's truly amazing stuff. Stuff about how the brain makes choices, whether there is a random element. Whether (and I'm obviously oversimplifying here) space is the infinite set of all possibilities, and time is chosen set of possibilities. Again, you see the dilemma, that didn't sound profound at all coming from me, really. But there is something there, trust me.

What I know about Quantum Physics: it is not the final generation of physics. There was Classical physics, Newton stuff. And while that's still "true", it's incomplete, and incorrect in some ways of viewing entire concepts. There will be a day, and within a couple decades, when they realize that quantum physics is well, quaint. It explains things very well, but it's just a big contrivance, created by the minds of men to explain further and further parts of the galaxy, and the cosmos. It works for now, but I think we will at some point soon say, "Duh."

It's also one of the fundamental mysteries of quantum physics that two particles can be "connected" over a distance too large for information to be traveling between them (at the speed of light, the current cosmic speed limit). So as they try to divide into smaller and smaller pieces, they find that these small pieces interact in new and unexpected, even undetectable ways. Just this year, someone probably sealed an eventual win the Nobel in Physics for discovering evidence of "dark energy." They are finding water, mud, on Mars. Possibly, increasingly probably, life exists in some form there, underground, RIGHT NOW. So, what does that do to your Garden of Eden?

Space and time are connected. Matter and energy are connected. These are not features of a monotheistic, omnipotent, omniscient God. These suggest a cosmic unity.

My Zen is truly different than organized religion. It's origins are in Zen Buddhism, but Buddhism is organized religion, and is polluted as such. We could go on all day about the details, but let me give you one quick example. Buddhism teaches that we are here on multiple lives, and that once we can break free of the cycle, we can live our last life and be at peace. And while the methods and teachings that lead to enlightenment are often valuable and good, they are not set in the right intent.

You are not here to live your current life for any other purpose. If you allow past lives, future lives, prospects of heaven and hell, or any "higher power" to influence your life, your choices, then you are not really here.

Be here, now. What else is there?