The Musings of a Hermit

Is it me?

I am notoriously difficult to get ahold of. I screen calls, I don't return calls. It reminds me of a dialogue from Big Bang Theory (I'm paraphrasing):

Sheldon: "Sorry I'm late."

Penny (or Leonard): "Oh, did something happen?"

Sheldon: "No, I just really didn't want to come."

Recently, even the more-enlightened members of my family have been suggesting that "I get out more." If not socially, they claimed, then professionally. It may be helpful to have lunch with the work gang, and harmful to miss it.

As for that, I say bah. That assumes, desire, ambition, in the traditional sense. That I need to change the world by changing the people around me. Since I no longer play that game, I feel no need to go to these lunches. Now, I may CHOOSE to go to some lunches, but I will pick my highest choice, not do something I feel I should. I will continue to go home for lunch if I choose. Which brings me to my second point.

I'm not spending my forever alone, I'm spending it with my wife who I have known for 6 years who I adore more every day. I know that before I met her, I spent 90% of my waking hours (low estimate) looking for her. Does that just mean I'm codependent instead of a loner?

The real question:

Is there anything wrong with that?

I wonder if it's a generational thing. My parents' generation cannot understand how I could have such a small social circle, yet feel connected to my world. But they are not of the internet generation.

It's a different world. Now, I can't see myself ever Twittering, but that's because it's basically the opposite of Zen. Create a persona, use it to win an imaginary popularity contest. It all stems from a fundamental confusion, equating love and attention. Once you realize that those two things are different, the world is a different place.

Seriously, just for your benefit, the two most-universal conflict-creating confusions:

1. Pleasure = happiness

2. Attention = love

I've gone into this a lot recently, and I think #2 specifically stems from "Forced-boredom" as a kid. Maybe it's the time when you had to stay an extra week (out of summer vacation) at the farm in the middle of nowhere with your grandparents, simply because your brother was too much for them to handle alone. Maybe it's the hours you spent in class "not learning", going through the public school system. How much of the time in school were you actively spending learning? I think mine started at 50%, and then spiraled off starting in high school. Regardless, it leads to a subconscious story of "feeling trapped", unable to affect one's environment.

So as an adult, someone will act out this "story" by doing something that has a large of an impact as possible. In the past, they felt loved when they were actually receiving attention. So, now, subconsciously, attention = love, and, more attention = more love. The internet doesn't change that, it just makes the attention more accessible.

Nevertheless, I AM the internet generation. I can massively affect my world, or even make a living without leaving my house (although I have yet to attempt the latter). And do so, meeting exponentially more people in the process, than my father's father ever could.

I came of age with the internet, in my 1995 freshman year at college. I brought my shiny new computer (that I bought) to my dorm room, where I had a substantially fast 19200 baud "direct-connection". A fresh mind, straight out of high school, and all of a sudden, the entire world at my availability. Sure, there was internet before 1994, and Mozilla and Netscape, but not really...that's like saying that radio is an equivalent to TV.

So I'm happy in my huge little world for right now, despite all the worries of everyone who knows me. I ask you all this, if you are worried for me, check in and ask why. Is it society pushing that button through you? I bet it is. If not, I will be happy to listen to why I "should get out more."

Seriously, to all my friends and family, none of whom will ever read this, I do care about you, I am happy, and I think my lifestyle is wonderfully healthy. Please assume that my lengthy silences are evidence that I still feel the same way about you. And that I continue to get happier each and every single day. And if you're feeling that way, I'd love to chat about it.

Give me a call. I might even answer.

****

(Highly) Recommended watching:

The IT Crowd (unless you're "proper normal")

Head Case (ditto)

30 Rock

(Highly) Recommended Reading/listening:

"Outliers", Malcolm Gladwell (life-changing)

"The Pleasure of My Company", Steve Martin (he is a brilliant novelist)